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elias lerner

community spotlight: questions & answers

Where do you get your inner strength?

I've never really taken the time to reflect on this before, but I guess your past experiences kind of shape who you are. I don't think I was necessarily a strong person when I was younger, but you adapt and you do what you need to do to get by. Really, I've always just pulled from my history as a driving force to keep myself moving foward.

What's was your most embarrassing moment?

I'm not easily embarrassed, but I did fall off of the stage during karaoke once. Or twice.

Who would you pick as a 'celebrity crush'?

If someone was to drop Kate Upton onto my doorstep, I wouldn't turn her away.

What's your favorite childhood memory?

All the way back in Germany about 30 years ago - There's one birthday I remember and honestly, I was probably like, five years old? But my mother made me a cake, for just the two of us, and we ate the entire thing. It's not much, but I don't have a lot of memories that go all the way back to Germany, so I can appreciate it.

What was the worst date you've ever been on like?

One of my friends tried to hook me up with this girl. I took her out to dinner and she had... probably a good two bottles of wine over the span of about an hour. Before we even left the restaurant she was crying about an ex of hers at the table, and she threw up in my car on the way home. Wine is best in moderation, kids.

If you could bring one musician back from the grave, who would it be and why?

Frank Sinatra. I'd like to be an honorary member of the Rat Pack. Sinatra helps me relax. I know he put in some good years, but I'd bring him back for a few more. If we're talking musicians who were "gone too soon", probably Hendrix or Morrison.

If you had to let go of one of your five senses, which would you give up?

I was going to say smell, but I think losing your sense of smell affects your taste anyway - so rather than take out two birds with one stone, I'll just go with taste. It would help me lose weight.

If you could live forever, would you want to?

With the way the world is going right now, forever probably isn't that much longer. It would be interesting to see how everything plans out, but I'd pass. Something about watching everyone you know and care about die around you doesn't sound too fun to me.

If you had no choice but to live forever, how do you see yourself spending eternity?

Living on a beach with a pitcher of margaritas and an acoustic guitar (that I will have an eternity to learn how to play). Basically being Jimmy Buffet.

How do you define family?

People who are there for you, no matter what. As far as I'm concerned, you don't have to be related to be family. I have friends that I'm much closer to than my blood relatives.

How does it differ from your definition of friends?

Friends come and go.

In what ways do you hold yourself back?

I'm my own worst enemy, and I think I judge myself much more harshly than anyone else. I can get stuck on things and I hold grudges - I have a hard time letting things go.

Do you ever drink and drive?

I drink and uber.

What's your favorite alcoholic drink, again?

Jameson or a good bourbon on the rocks. I'm a creature of habit.

If you could go anywhere in the world, all expenses paid for a full month vacation, where would you go, what would you do, who would you bring with you?

One of those bungalows that are right on the water in Fiji or the Maldives. I wouldn't do anything for the entire month outside of sitting on the deck, drinking margaritas, and smoking good cigars. I'd consider bringing a friend, but to be honest I could probably use the time for myself.

What are five of your favorite things?

Jameson, House of Cards, Germany National, anything from a barbeque, southern accents. And Kate Upton.

If you could meet anyone, dead or alive, who would you meet and why?

I'd have a beer with JFK. I feel like he was super down to earth and would have some great stories, mainly about Marilyn Monroe.

What's one of your fondest memories since you've lived in Boston?

I met a couple of players from the Red Sox at a bar a couple of months ago and did an irish car bomb with Mookie Betts. I'm not a huge baseball fan, but those boys can drink.

What's the best thing about your best friend?

Patience. So, so much patience. I can be insufferable sometimes, but she sees it through.

What do you look for in your ideal partner?

Patience and acceptance. I am who I am. I don't think I could ever be in a relationship where someone tried to change me to fit what they wanted in a partner. I'm sure I have a couple of less than favorable traits, but at this point they're pretty integral to who I am as a person. So there's that.

What did you think of yourself 5 years ago? How might that change 5 years from now?

I'm not that different than I was five years ago, I don't think. Ten years ago, though... I'd like to think it's like night and day. I wasn't really living, more like surviving. I've come a long way since New York. It's nice to not have to look over your shoulder all the time. The world is my oyster. Who knows where I'll be five years from now. I never stay in the same place for long. Maybe somewhere warmer.

You ever kill a man?

As always, Cassidy comes right out of the gate with the hard hitting questions. This is the kind of shit that's going to get me tracked by the FBI.

What'd you do with the body?

Dumped it into a swamp in Florida and let the gators work it out. Or maybe I saw that on TV once.

Ever spent time in prison?

Prison, no. Jail, yes. But only for a day or two. If you're going to break the law, don't get caught.

If a buddy invited you to an orgy would you come?

Is this your round-about way of inviting me to an orgy?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how badly dya need to stick it into someone right fucking now?

11. It goes to 11.

Let's go yachting after July 1st. quit your job, sail off into the sunset. Yay or nay?

Like I said, if you're down with paying my rent for the rest of my life, I'm down with living on a yacht like Puff Daddy. Also, I get to be Kate Winslet in this situation.

What is your favorite song?

Peace of Mind by Boston, Whole Lotta Rosie by AC/DC, King of Pain by The Police. Anything from the 80s that was performed in tight pants with big hair.

Do you read the newspaper?

No, but I'm going to start doing the crossword to expand my vocabulary so I have more SAT words in my arsenal for dirty talk.

Are you a good cook, a gourmet, or a terrible cook?

I can't even boil water.

Apartment, house, or castle?

Apartment. It's kind of like a castle, if the castles you know about are shitty studios.

What is your citizenship status?

German import, American citizen. I'll drink beer with all of you Yanks tomorrow, but I'll always root for Germany National in the World Cup. If there's one thing Americans are terrible at, it's football.

What is your favourite dessert?

Overall, not much of a sweets guy. Give me all the carbs in the world, keep the chocolate. If I had to choose one thing, probably cheesecake.

What would you do if someone shot at (attacked) you?

Shoot back.

Are you deliberate or spontaneous?

Spontaneous. If you're not making plans 5 minutes before something starts, you're not doing it right.

Are you a good dancer?

Is the earth round? Do birds fly?

Describe a typical dream you have.

Kate Upton is feeding me grapes on a beach somewhere.

If you only had 24 hours left to live, how would you spend those 24 hours?

Spending time with the people who mean the most to me while simultaneously getting black out drunk so I can forget about the fact that I'm going to die in 24 hours.